So Far Away
by Jameson Rook
Summary: "How do I live without the ones I love? Time still turns the pages of a book its burned. Place and time, always on my mind. I have so much to say, but you're so far away."


_** Disclaimer: Castle and all of its characters belong to Andrew W. Marlowe, Terri Edda Miller, and ABC Studio Productions. "So Far Away" belongs to Avenged Sevenfold. **_

_** This is because it's been far too long since I wrote something angsty and casketty...**_

**"How do I live without the ones I love?**

**Time still turns the pages of a book its burned.**

**Place and time, always on my mind.**

**I have so much to say, but you're so far away.**

**Sleep tight, I'm not afraid.**

**The ones that we love are here with me.**

**Lay away a place for me, **

**Cause as soon as I'm done I'll be on my way to live eternally."**

_The cement outside the warehouse was slick with freshly fallen snow under their feet as they ran between the large storage containers. They had been chasing down a lowlife drug cartel member for going on a week. He was the murderer of a family in Brooklyn that they had been investigating and he had evaded them incredibly well. Hell, for half a second, Kate thought that they had waited too long and he'd disappeared. But then Ryan had gotten a tip from one of his shady informants. _

_ "Castle, you need to take the right side of the warehouse. We're not going to let him get away again." Kate hissed, handing Castle her back up sidearm. He hefted the weight of the pistol once before nodding slowly. She could tell that he was wary. "He murdered an entire family because their father tried to do everything that he could to provide for his family and it landed him in a bad situation. There are two little kids that won't ever get to see their graduation. That won't get to go to prom. That won't get to start their own families, and that won't get to fall in love with someone that can complete all of their sentences. Someone that knows how they take their coffee. They'll never get to meet someone like you, Rick.." She whispered, running her finger over the diamond ring on her left hand slowly. _

_ Castle stared at her, his mouth agape, for what seemed like an eternity. Kate smiled and nodded at her fiance, telling him everything that he needed to hear with one simple gesture. Then, they turned and went their seperate ways. _

_ Castle slunk along the back wall slowly, the gun drawn and outstretched in front of him. His heart thundered against his rib cage, adrenaline surging through his veins. He could smell the faint burnt scent of a cigarette lingering in the air, as if someone had stopped long enough to have a smoke. That sick bastard was here long before they had arrived...he was toying with them. _

_ He moved around the last of the boxes cautiously, almost breathing a sigh of relief when he saw Kate peek around the edge of the storage container on the other side of the room. She motioned for him to follow her to the closed door at the edge of the warehouse. They moved in silent synchronization towards the door with Kate taking point. _

_ She was reaching for the door when the minute 'snap' of an electrical current caught Rick's attention. Time seemed to slow down as he caught sight of the exposed wire wrapped discreetly around the knob. _

_ "Wait!" He hissed, grasping her wrist roughly and pointing to the wire. Kate nodded and they followed the wire to where it was connected to the circuit breaker on the far wall. Rick shut off the breakers and they were plunged into darkness. "Follow me. That seems a bit too easy, so we'll have to be careful." He whispered, placing her hand on his shoulder and walking in front of her. _

_ He hesitated half a second before he grabbed the handle, breathing a choked breath of relief when he didn't get electrocuted. He paused and reached up to Kate's left hand on his sholder, placing a quick kiss to the knuckle above her engagement ring._

_ "Wait here, Kate." He muttered._

_ "Like hell! You're not a cop, Rick. I'm going to come with you. You'll need someone to cover your back if you're going to go in there." She replied._

_ "No. You're not going come in there until I clear it. I love you, Katherine Beckett, and I'm not going to let you run in there blind. I'm not going to lose you." He replied, his tone telling her that he was not to be defied. And, with that, he opened the door._

_ The last thing that Kate remembered was the brilliant flash of light, the deafening sound of a shotgun blast, and the earsplitting sound of his name tearing from her lips. _

"They said that he'd set up a back up booby trap. A shotgun rigged to fire when someone opened the door. I was supposed to be going in first, you know that right? But you...you were too damned stubborn to listen to me. You never listen." She whispered, shaking her head slowly and taking a long drink of the scotch in her hand. Snow had begun to flutter from the grey sky, falling in intricately random patterns around her.

Winter in New York had always been something that she loved. The lights that adorned the city were beautiful, and even the usually hostile crowds of people bustling through the streets seemed to soften. Christmas. New Year's Eve. All of it. And then she'd met Rick. He'd always come to life during the holidays. He made egg nog, decorated a tree, got ridiculously childish about Christmas gifts, and he made everyone that he came into contact with smile, reguardless of how horrible their life had been to them. Richard Castle was the emodiment of Christmas Spirit.

Now? Now it was just a cruel reminder of the things that she lost.

"Alexis and your mother haven't let me move out of the loft. I don't think that they are ever going to. They keep telling me that I belong there and that I'm family. It's...it's weird to have them. It's been me and my dad for so long that I'd forgotten what having someone like your mother is like. And Alexis is...amazing. Whenever she comes home from college we go rent some stupid romantic comedy and eat ice cream on the couch. She's an amazing kid, Rick." She took another drink of the scotch, wincing at the slow burn that had begun to spread through her limbs and settled in her stomach.

"It's been three years today. I wanted to tell you that there isn't a day that goes by when I'm not thinking about you. You saved my life, Rick. I love you. So much." She glanced at the crystal glass containing Rick's favorite scotch that sat on top of the snow sprinkled headstone. His name was carved intricately in the black marble above the inscription _'a wonderful father, a beloved son, a caring friend and a loving fiance. Always in our hearts.'_. She ran her shaking fingers over the writing slowly, tears scorching down her cheeks. "I miss you, Richard Castle."

She turned and walked out of the cemetary, her heart still heavy with words that she had always wanted to tell him. There were so many things that they had left to do. But now, that was gone.

She wiped away the tears as she slid into the back seat of the the cruiser that had been idling outside the cemetary. Esposito and Ryan glanced at her, their faces set in grim, solemn lines.

"You okay?" Esposito finally whispered. Kate nodded slowly in response.

"It just sucks that he's so far away. I miss having him here, you know?"

"Yeah, we know the feeling. We all miss him, Kate. But he wouldn't have wanted it to be you." Ryan replied. "Haunt?" Kate nodded.

"Haunt." They had a tradition every year where they went to Rick's bar, sat in the booth under Rick's picture with Martha (and this year even Alexis) and they drank the scotch that Montgomery had given him after the case when he bought the bar. Esposito pulled away from the cemetary and wove through the streets of the city. The Christmas lights reflected one the wet windows of the cruiser and twinkled happily. A halfhearted grin spread across her face as she took in the air of Christmas Spirit that adorned the faces of people as they scurried between all of the decorated stores, bags clutched in their hands as they went about gift shopping.

New York really was beautiful at Christmas time.

_**Thoughts? Drop me a review and let me know.**_

_** Much love,**_

_** J. Rook**_


End file.
